massey447.lens

@massey447

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Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

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Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell &quot;What The Hell was…

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Chuck Norris did not &quot;lose&quot; his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

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Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.

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Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

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Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9.

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Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

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Chuck Norris solved the halting problem.

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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

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The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.

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There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

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Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

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Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

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Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

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Chuck Norris plays pool with comets and astroids. He shoots them into black holes.

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Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.

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Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.

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When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

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Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay…

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An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

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The term &quot;Cleveland Steamer&quot; got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a…

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Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

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Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

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Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.

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