eason756 (@eason756) • Hey
eason756 (@eason756) • Hey
Publications
- New week new me
- Glad to be here
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris can remember the future.
- Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
- The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
- Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.
- If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
- Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.